Evaluate My Work, Dec 2’08

Today I feel a strong sense of confusion and nervousness. Compulsive thoughts are exploding with negative messages. Great, the journey to the greatness is full of challenges. The story in my head is like, I don’t get the attention I need, and I shouldn’t be here, no one listen to me, I am no one. Damn!! What the heck are these all about?

Ok, when I am in fully awareness with my situation, I actually have nothing to complain about. I have made a commitment to be with the Work and I have all the time that is needed for me to do everything I have to do right now. Beside this most important journey, I also have places to go for dancing, yoga, and exercising when I need to. I have time to cook my own delicious and healthy food which I want it to. I am in the relationship that is so supportive for my practice since I can have all time and spaces. So knock, knock..stop complaining, won’t you?

I really like the preciseness of the voice in my practice today. It felt mature and honor. However, it can be a little bit more intimate. The consistent of my conscious Loving breath still needs a lot of work. I believe that I just have to remember it over and over and over again until it will automatically be a part of me. Plus the deeper listening will eventually come right along with my conscious loving breath. Even though I can’t see all the words I say yet, but I can feel some of the words very strongly since I focus hard to release the emotion into the words. I am happy with it, but I have to remind myself not to get carry on into the emotional of the words; I have to consciously connect to every step of the speech.

By listening to my practice today, I finally sensed first hand what it meant when Arthur shared with me one important insight. First I have to say that I agree with him that vocal awareness is about energy. And while we speak, the energy is carried through and that what people connect with. That is why we create the term “It isn’t what you say, it’s how you say it.” That is also why when people sing or listen to the music they move in a certain way. It is because of the energy behind it. Cool!! So, Arthur told me that if we are really conscious in the energy of the words we say, we can speak at the best potential that words will allow energy to channel out smoothly and powerful. Next to know that people will response intensively to it since the energy connects and moves energy. That is the coolest thing that I never hear from anyone before, and it feels fit right in. Oh oh oh!! I have work to do.